i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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