TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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