all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
