There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize