i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
