chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
