At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
