wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
