my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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