she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it hurts more in the daytime
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize