that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
