I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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