she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
