i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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