Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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