Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
