i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know her cup size but not her name....
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