I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
