Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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