Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
