I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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