I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
