i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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