I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
