..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
