I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
