i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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