perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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