I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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