DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
