Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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