Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
