i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
