I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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