please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
