If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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