The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Randomize
