When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
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Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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