Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
