I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
