she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
