what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
