What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
