he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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