Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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