I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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