hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
love makes seman taste better
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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