I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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