Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
