How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
