you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
