Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
