I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
