Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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