There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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