oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
