So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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