I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
