No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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