I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
