Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
