she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
