remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
