If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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