i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
