My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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