I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
