I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
