Umm I'm too high to move.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
