Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
