it hurts more in the daytime
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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