You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
