I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We are two peas in an std pod
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
