Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
