The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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