I met the friendliest cop last night
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
