Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
