I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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