Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
