apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need to sanitize my soul.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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