In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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