So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she smelled like a LAN party
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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