We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
