her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize