You're so nebulous sometimes
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
